The Journey to Skinny

This time, much like the last time I started to lose weight I was really devoted to being skinny. I did not care about  being fit or healthy what I wanted to be was skinny. I did a lot of things during this time in hopes of looking a certain way.

When I started this journey  to skinny over I had several catalysts, first I had a very active and fit roommate who looked like I wanted to look, two I moved in with this roommate and her boyfriend who broke up 2 weeks after we moved in together and he lived on our living room floor for 3 months, so I did not want to be home, and three I met a man that I was interested in and wanted to look a certain way for him. In hopes that maybe if I were thinner and prettier than he would notice me.

I started to restrict food at this time, eating breakfast and dinner only. I would eat whatever I wanted, but in limited quantities. I created this philosophy that I would eat most of my calories in the morning and that way I would have all day to work them off. I often would eat cake and cheeseburger for breakfast and then go as long as I could without eating anything until I felt like I was going to throw up and then I would eat something small.

Whenever I went out with my family I would eat very little, half a sandwich and 2 french fries. I would then take the rest home and eat it for breakfast the next day. I ate like this for almost three years and the pounds just fell off. I went from 170lbs to 119lbs at my skinniest.

I did not do a ton of working out at this point, I would work out for a week or two and start to gain weight and I would quickly stop working out. I did however walk a lot I would walk 5 miles every single day.

Watching the scale drop became an obsessive thing. So much so, that on a few occasions when I felt like I had eaten too much I would go into the bathroom and try to purge. I never did have much success with it and quickly gave it up, feeling an extreme amount of shame when I did try it.

Over the span of these two years I would slip up fairly often and when I did slip up I would quickly right it the next day by restricting my diet even more for that day eating only a granola bar and a yogurt parfait, or something equally low in calories.

I knew what I was doing was not healthy, but I didn’t care. Men were finally taking notice of me. The man I was interested in had also taken an interest in me back and we started a rather unhealthy friends with benefits situation for almost two years. I let myself worth be determined by men. Even though,  I am a smart, beautiful, educated woman, the only thing that mattered was that men wanted me.

All of these things really started to take a toll on my body, especially with the crazy hours that I was working at the time. I would once or twice a week work 6am-3pm and then 5pm-2am and then have to be at work at 6am again the next day. I started to crash and I found myself sleeping for 16+hours at a time. I always felt tired and I rarely felt like I had energy, but I just kept pushing myself being up until all hours of the night especially on my days off.

As they say though, all things that go up must come crashing down.

What I learned:

* Extreme restricting is dangerous and often causes binging problems.

* Don’t let other people define yourself worth

*Sleep is of the utmost important

 

Tips:

  • Try to get 8 hours of sleep every night
  • Moderation if key. It is okay to allow yourself to eat what you want, but make sure you eat in moderation
  • Positive attributions may seem dumb, but if you continue to tell yourself how valuable and beautiful you are, then you will start to believe it

*** disclaimer I am not a medical or health expert these tips are purely from research and are self tested. Be sure to talk to an expert for proper health and nutrition recommendations.

 

naked

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